Journey from Boy to Man

Here are my notes from last nights "Fathered by God" talk with John Eldredge - PHENOM!

There is a treasure to be found in the story of David and Goliath.

*war in the middle east

*philistines challenge the israelites to have one of their man take on their giant - goliath

* NO ONE takes up the offer

* David was a shepherd and came to bring his brothers food out on the battle field

*He finds out what's going on and takes up the challange... WHAT? The king says, you are but a youth

*and David proceeds to tell the king of what he had been through - EXPERIENCES that have SHAPED and PREPARED HIM for this very challenge...

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There is a process by which a BOY, through a series of EXPERIENCES becomes a MAN, nd KNOWS that he is a man..

The first stage throughout this process is

BOYHOOD

*it's a stage of EXPLORATION, DISCOVERY, and WONDER

*the boy is allowed to have awesome experiences because his dad was there - he is safe by the strength of his father

*There is a hunger, a need a yearning to know that your father adores you, delights in you, that you have a place, to know that he has what it takes.

*They need (as well as women) to have a sense of Belovedness

if this stage isn't met

*they can see trials and challenges (as the bear and lions while David was shepherding) not as opportunities to show that he has what it takes, but as abandonment

*Belovedness can be bestowed and taken away- through divorce- and then the message is that the world isnt sucha safe place after all.

*Lack of this belovedness can be seen in adult men who need to be the center of attention, who dominate a discussion, that needs everyone to like him....

Cowboy

*Raging need to answer the question...

*Need experiences to let him be a man

*Needs people to tell him that he has what it takes

*HE needs to discover for HIMSELF

(you''ll see loud music, loud cars, engaging in dangerous stunts or extreme situations)

IF the questioned goes unanswered you will find a man:

* who doesn't take risks, who is hesitant

*find something their good at and camp there

*there is an uncertainty about them, a fear of exposure

When Goliath comes along - it REQUIRES a wilingness in a man to engage

Warrior

competition characterizes this stage

Men have warrior hearts for 2 reasons

1) Adam fell through PASSIVITY (Eve was ATTACKED in the garden by deception, and the Hebrew makes it clear that Adam was right next to her doing NOTHING- not standing up, not speaking-nothing)

There is self-loathing and coward within - but God gives him a warrior heart

2)We were born into a world at war- the enemy comes to assault, the kingdom of darkness is RAPING the earth...

This can be seen in ansewering this question: Name one thing that you don't have to fight for.... (relationship? job? degree?)

This can be shut down in a man...

*through the lie that all agression is wrong.

The Lord is a warrior. The Lord is his name. - this shows us that not all agression is wrong. Jesus dieing on the cross was waging war. Jesus made a robe and used it to hit things, and knock down tables (that was premeditated) zeal for God's house fueled this

*defeated with no explaination or interbretation

* a violent brother

As a result you will find:

*A man who won't engage

*A man who doesn't know how to deal with fears

We need men who

*can handle confrontation

*can do prayer warfare and shut down evil

(This stage in a woman is that she knows she is beautiful and worth fighting for [and in my opinion, learns how to wage war against the enemy and stand her ground as well])

Lover

This is the stage where there is an awakening of the heart

Most men hide in reason, logic, analysis (these are all good things, but they shut out the heart)

Sometimes it takes the presence of beauty to do that - to draw out the heart

An awakened heart opens up for intimacy with God, and with people

Psalm 119 says I run in the path of yourcommands, because you ahve set my heart free

when a woman comes into a man's story- she will want access to his heart.

There is a mystery about Eve- and if Adam hasn't engaged in his heart - he will try to fix her- but Eve doesn't want to be fixed- she wants to be LOVED - the heart needs to engage

This can be Shut down

* a creative man, intuitive, artistic, or musical - Dad or others shame him for it because the dad is a carpenter or engineer- something "manly" they don't understand this mans draw towards music and nature and romance and desire

*Rejection

men who have encountered this will not step up and actively persue a woman (It's not wrong for a woman to persue- arouse/awaken desire- but it is the mans place to take a step forward intitiate)

------this question came up in the conference --- ----

what about young teenage girls/guys who enter into this lover stage at 13-14?

*If a young man's question isn't answered that he has what it takes- he will look to young women

If a young girl's question isn't answered that she is lovely- she will look for it in young men

*If they have their questions answered- they will not look to one another

*this is the job of parents and others- to answer they questions a million times in a million ways- gifts, words, time etc...

KING

David, Moses, Joseph, Jesus - this stage is seen in all of their lives

*This is the great test of a man's life

*He is placed in charge of a "kingdom" (family, job, wealth, knowledge, coach) of which he needs to use and steward

* The very first thing God said to Adam (and Eve) "Rule"

*We have dominion over the earth, and we are to bring God's kingdom to earth

*When can you trust a man with power?

- to one who rules righteously there will be rejoiceing

-being raised up to be a man

*When Jesus took is throne in heaven- everyone there cried out "WORTHY! WORTHY" he ruled with kindness, wisdom, heart of mercy, and compassion

*Men long to have that recognition of being Worthy of their place

There is a Warning here: seductions are greater - battles- trials are bigger

This can be shut down:

*If a he is given a kingdom too soon - dad walks out and says "your the man of the house now"

*If he's never been given a kingdom - dismissed, pushed aside, ignored

SAGE

"My life is a waning kingdom"

stepping down, and letting other men take the healm (income is smaller-retirement, smaller house)

*Paul was in a jail cell - it looked as though everything had diminsished, it was all smaller - but he had the greatest influence from here, writing his letters.

*This is when men have the greatest influence

*Their internal life is greater than their external life

It can be shut down:

-when they are dismissed (we live in a culture that is focused on youth and dismissing the value and wisdom in the older generations)

WE NEED SAGES to bestow wisdom, to guide other men through the process of masculine intitiation

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We have this insurmountable

- we don't have this

- we have so many lessons that are not learned

-we feel stuck or unfinished - but this is the hand we've been dealt...

God presents himself as father

- I will be your father

-You have not received a spirit of fear, but a spirit of sonship by which you cry Abba, father.

-I will not leave you as orphans

- I will come to you- my father will come to you we have a place for you

Will I let him father me?

we have beliefs that get in the way- suspicion of the heart of God

-hard

-distant

-doesn't come through

we have different things that we project onto God that are not of his character and therefore things that we believe of ourselves

"I've got to figure this out" "If any thing good is going to happen, I have to make sure that it happens"

different circumstances will highlight where we still have fatherlessness in our lives- where we have made agreements with the enemy. We make agreements around abandonment/shame/contempt

God will allow things to surface that gets in the way with our intimacy with God

When we break with them, we find the healing that we need

Because of what Jesus did on the cross break the agreement, renounce it, reject it. Pray against fear and pressure

This will bring freedom

Try to do a free association with the word father- what comes up? what have you projected onto God from that?

Take a moment and ask God- "What agreements have I made with my enemy?"

-he wont come through

-I have to earn his love

-when I need him he wont be there

- I need to be perfect

etc

break with them

Did you know you were beloved, adored, delighted in

Did you know that you are deeply and profoundly loved

I am loved

I am a beautiful woman / as a man, I have what it takes

Invite Jesus in

allow him to bring restauration