A cloud passing through on a windy afternoon

Being back has been a real treat, being able to spend time with AMAZING people has been truly INCREDIBLE.

BUT...

During these past three days these emotions surfaced, whose origin or purpose I can not understand. This caused much frustration along with confusion, as I attempted to untangle this mess of tangled ball of yarn that is my head and heart. And the fact that I had to sit and start pulling string after string over and under and through for endless moments trying to make sense of this mess, I had this underlying feeling of shame- I know I shouldn't but there it was, like Jehova Witnesses or Mormons looming at my doorstep- I don't want them there, but they are. So I communicated all of said situation with the party/ies directly involved to which logic and reason, as always, was delicately exposed. Through this I saw the person/s find the end of the string pull every knot and twisty loop into one strait thread, which was proceeded to be wrapped neatly into a ball, and placed back in my hands. The end piece was still a bit tangled, but this interaction brought such clarity and peace, though frusteration with the fact that all of these emotions still were hovering over and in me. It was communicated to me that this is just part of a growing opportunity to which I would gain expereince for similar situations that may rise in the future. That shame need not be a piece of this "mess" as it isn't really a mess, but part of being human. Okay. I can take that. It makes sense. So I go home with two pieces in my hand, one neatly rolled ball of yarn, and in the other the gnarled up end piece, with one short strand connecting each. Upon more introspection, I am able to identify additional sources, factors contributing, and as I verbalize these, it just lifts, its gone. Had I kept all of this inside, it would have been like a covered pot on the stove that will just continue to heat up, and as the water churns violently inside, bubble over. Speaking such things out brought them to just pass by, like a cloud on a windy day.

I'm so glad it was windy out today